It's best to write in times of loneliness

1. Some new inspiration
Last month I got probably the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get so close to Thanh Loc, an excellent actor/artist of Vietnam, when he came to my studio to make a short documentary video supporting his new-released autobiography.
I sat there just 2 meter in front of him. He re-performed about 7 best acts through out his career. He caused us to applaud. He'd have taken some tears of mine easily If I were a woman. He talked about the act and in just half an exhale he suddenly turned into the character. He talked, got dramatic, cried, lied on the floor, then laughed, then coughed,... transforming my small studio into different spaces and times.
For a few moments after he had left, I imagined practicing acting alone letting all myself as dramatic as possible.

Last week, I and mom got an invitation to 5B Theater to watch "Đêm Vượn Hú - Night of The Gibbons' Cry". Though covered with an ambient of ghostly horror, the play was about people and their greed, their losing of humanity over properties. I still trembled for half an hour after the play was over, thinking about the true scare of it. This play has got me more interested in drama and I'd probably spend some money and time on this genre of art with my mom, a bigger fan of drama.

A few days ago I met a young writer. We went to the same highschool and have some common friends and he gave me a copy of one of his books. It was written in the cover "the best-selling book of 2014". I'm not afraid to say that his literature is not my genre but I still read a few chapters to soothe my mind out of all on-computer tasks I am having at the moment. The thing is, his book inspired me to write again.

I think I have good imagination and extra-confidence because whenever I enjoy paintings, literature, photography, ... I always hear myself whispering "hey I can probably do it, too".

2. I was going to write something for number 2 half an hour ago but now I forgot.

3. I miss you. Really really miss you and I know texting too much is not wise in times like this. Anyway, I'd rather be unwise than regret later not expressing my feeling.

4. I'd should arrange time to get back to my writing project ASAP. I constructed a draft layout one year ago and left it unfinished. Bad me!

the suddenly come enlightenment of painting

So just one hour of coating another layer of acrylic onto the smart board leftover from construction, I turned of my Kindle which was in the middle of "Eat, Pray, Love" to wake my laptop up for another working session and suddenly read this to myself "I literally like to paint things. Anything, everything, just paint 'em", taking a short gaze at the board.

Very quick my memory ran through:
I painted something on the took box of another elder student in my fine-art class. I was just a junior who finished the University Entrance Exam and came back to the class to upgrade myself with new skills such as water colour. He was a already a student of the University of Fine Arts practicing with oil. We're totally strangers and that mean I shouldn't have had touched any of his stuffs. But for a moment, I looked at his toolbox of oil painting and paint on it using one of his brush and oil. This later became a story during conversations of the class master and her son who witnessed my artistic crime.
I often feel the need to paint something, especially whenever my mind is wandering on the cloud. The older I get, the more realistic of the 'things' I want to paint become. I used to think I would invest on better Wacom tablet and larger screen to follow digital painting but that idea turned out not strong enough to come true while the idea of picking up cheap acrylic and ready-to-paint canvas in the Discount Convenient Store on Anzac Parade won over and soothed my desire for the first time.
In the sentence "I want to paint something", the "to paint" is stronger than "something". It's more like a starving person want 'to eat' first and think about what to eat slightly later. For many times I finished coating and just look blankly at the canvas or paper, still having no certain idea of what to put on it but full of inspiration to coating more and more layers on it. I love to enjoy the new surface of the canvas, then look closely to study the textures that I have just created. I believe if my mom allowed I'd paint all wooden chairs in the house in yellow or white in an artistic way with acrylic.

Wait, from the moment I admitted to myself that I want to paint everything in new coating not to create any kind masterpiece applied with anything I learned about composition, space, line, shape, etc. , I know I love to paint. I think this enlightenment came from the awakened mind after reading a book with the addition of a weekend morning quietness probably. This is a good therapy. This is such a good enlightenment!

As people do?

I wonder why Mom keeps saying "your idea is always weird. nobody does that" so I always ask "why do we have to do 'as people do'?". She has never been able to really reply properly.

So :-)

Ain't no escape

I thought going somewhere out ot the city would be a good escape. But 'things' were obsessed on my mind. I want and need to do something. I'm not happy doing nothing. I'm not happy enjoying without fighting before that. This green garden doesn't belong to a young fighter. It belongs to veterans who had fight their whole lives, for themselves and for their family and now they simply deserve it.
I'm finding my own garden.

Goodbye Sydney, Hi Vietnam!

This is it, the end of a journey that I had dreamed of for years and got what I wanted. This is it, the moment my eyes got wet when queuing up at the Custom desk in Kingsford Smith Airport, which I haven't done for years. One would understand this if one understands that all things change. Once I thought inner-peace would be found at the end of my life. Now I know I saw it a few times and it was over.
I'm not coming back home. I'm starting another journey. It's a new life in a more familiar-but-strange place.
"I could be tough during hard time", I told myself, "then just be tough and face this as a new challenge".
And as I still noted in my "Oz Diary" Facebook album: "I don't know where my dreams would lead me to"

I'd never forget all the good people I met in Australia and all the good things I had there.
Thank you and goodbye, Australia!

I'm weak

some note for myself:

I always try to be as most sincere to myself and people as possible, cuz I know I'll need to lie now and then. Practicing this, I know I'm weak. And that's why I always try. Fair!

My loneliness is partly by choice, partly by nature. no need to explain further.

I have no fear of being alone or lonely now. Once getting used to something, it just get better. A wound certainly hurt. But pain ain't always bad.

I read somewhere that we're all alone( or lonely?) when we sleep and when we will die.

The weekest moments of mine are those after happy ones.

Now and then, I do feel weak.
I'll recover very soon.

3 months

Been here in Sydney for exact 3 months, since my 27th birthday.

Not homesick yet, but started to feel blue. Still wondering where do I fit in?

me on a train from Marickville back to CBD

Not among those Vietnamese scholars talking about Mathematics most of the time, scheduling who will clean the kitchen next week (fuck that, I quit!), watching X-factor without any opinion on who will pass the audition, moaning about their hometown, Communist Party and even OZ world... almost everyday.

Not among those OZ classmates who are truly nice but seem un-interested me. Wanna know what 'odd' means? Do as I did: Bring some fruits to the studio, pretending that I could not cut them and asking a girl to help me, telling them several times "this is for you guys", then concentrating pretentiously on my own work with a hope that they will eat them eagerly. Yes, they ate the fruits, saying "Thank you", asking me sometimes, playing some music. But I'm still nowhere among their chatting.

Not among those young and kool and crazy undergraduate guys and girls of UNSW. Our worlds are so much different. I wanted to go to Uni-party. I wanted to hang-out in Oktober Fest. But all failed due to lack of accompany.

It's sad but true that money matters.

Not really among my Chinese classmates. Til now they are people who I most often go with, talking to, sharing thoughts about studying, society, food, language. But I cannot get into their soundly conversation. A few Chinese words aren't enough for me to do that. I'm purely un-political with them, but are they the same? I hate it how my hometown-mates react knowing that I'm making friends with Chinese guys here. They are just as warm, nice, friendly, smart, cunning, ambitious, talkative sometimes, fucked up sometimes (just some, not all) AS VIETNAMESE. On critically thinking: do people in my hometown totally trust in their government? I'll  ask the same way with the Chinese. Who knows who lies? How many times we were told to hate A and be friend with B then later to hate B and be friend with A? Ain't it stupid to love or hate because you are told to do so?

I hate politics.

I only judge people on how they treat me, how they give and receive from me, how they work and cooperate with me.

Not with Scott or James. They are teachers, in fact great ones. They're enthusiastic. They know a lot. They inspire and encourage me to work, which makes me feel happy. The pure academic world is much better than the real world. But they are OZ: job-oriented and possibly pretentious (rumour has it). I don't know how many percentage they are task-oriented when they are nice to me :-) However, above all, to me Scott is still an excellent young model to follow and James is a city-hero.

But OZ has not been bad. I'm not here for nothing. I know what I'm having and I deserve all.
"It's just 3 months, c'mon" a Czech guy told me.

Where is Vietnam?

I did an image search with Google.

The third image I got after the national flag and the map is this one: Ha Long Bay.

Is this the image of my country? I've never been there :))

source: Myvietnam.

I came here in Australia with the support of a development scholarship.
Yes, I'm proud of that. But the word  'development' always reminds me that my country is a developing country, in plain word: a poor country.
Some of my Chinese mates know about my good luck of having such a financial support. But they don't know I would feel better if Vietnamese students can study abroad as easily as they do. I would feel better if the professors and authors mention more frequently about my country as a phenomenon of new development just as they mention China or Singapore.

My country and China have many similarities, specifically in urban planning about which I and my Chinese mates discuss many times. I'm not shy in class, I can speak out my ideas when lecturers say something about "Communist world" unless they stop and look around asking "My Chinese students, do you have any idea about this". I feel invisible sometimes.

I could make my professor remember my name just after 2 classes. But he still couldn't remember whether I was from Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh after 2 months. I see he likes to put some academic term on the blackboard in Chinese to make his lecture more interesting. I tried once to raise a Vietnamese cultural term ("Tren ben duoi thuyen") in my presentation and gained the class's attention. But I know on the point of view consideriing all students as clients of the school, Chinese words are sold better.

Where is Vietnam?

a good day

Another degree

One week is a perfect period of time to spend in a foreign country for a vacation-trip; but it is just a setting-up week for a guy who for the first time lives out of his family and takes another degree for his education. It is that higher degree called "master" that drives me here, waking up in 4:30 a.m in Sydney and writing down things.

It is forecasted that today, the lowest temperature in Sydney is 8 degree and the highest is 18 degree (Celsius); today is colder than yesterday, though still sunny.

oh how i LOVE this !

A flashmob by 12th grade students of Le Hong Phong Highschool for the gifted,

Ho Chi Minh city, to celebrate their last year before graduation.

This is too cute to be true. These boys and girls moved me.

I could see there was some problems with the soundtrack while they played it live, but the students still moved on with the performance had been prepared so well. They even sang out loud when the playback's volume seemed to be too little or when one of their teachers turned the music off.

This video clip is still being spread widely. In an article on Tuoitre Online, it showed clearly that the flashmob got praised from most of people no matter how opposite opinions sucked.
"The school doesn't oppose the students' dance, but it requires a proposal in advance. There must be a list of organizers and participants. And the school doesn't accept activities that are not organized by the Communist Youth Union" - said Mr. Trieu, vice-principal of Le Hong Phong Highschool for the gifted.

Oh I wish I were still young enough to burst into tears. There is something bubbling in my heart now. Highschool spirit!

P.S: That school was my highschool. So proud!

Arms

Art is still a part of my life. Recently it's been photography and I've got several collections of portrait and fashion. This time I tried to experiment something with "wow" factor. Not perfect yet but here it is:

ARMS

link

This is a part of a photo set named "Arms" in which I try to analyze the beauty of ordinary masculine.
I choose to focus on arms because I believe thoses are parts revealing most about a man's masculine, no matter how he looks like and how good other parts of his body are.

Each photo has his own name for its capturing of a certain moment of a man's arm(s)

Me (and my friends) on Trendhunter.com

Last night my friend - designer Le Thanh Hoa- was surfing on the web to check through trends and doing research for his new collection. He suddenly found out this entry on TrendHunter.com and send me. I was so excited. It was posted in 2010 but we didn't know. By the way, that set of photos is also my most appreciated on Behance.net portfolio til now. So proud!

Trendhunter.com link here

From CaMau (back) to Saigon

Ca Mau

with a lot of shrimp farms

the flight staff informed that we were gonna land in HCM city soon.

and here, somewhere at the boundary of my city

Ca Mau - the second trip

far left: Binh Duong - CaMau University

Tran Hung Dao street

Tran Hung Dao street 

A civic building that may change its function in the near future

the provincial lottery company

food-vendor in Tran Hung Dao street by night

Chao trang hot vit muoi ( Rice Soup with Salty Duck Egg)

Tran Hung Dao street by night

casual fashion shops

on the right: Hoang Gia hotel, where I stayed

Tran Hung Dao street by night 

10:00 p.m in Ca Mau looks like 1:00-2:00 a.m in Sai Gon

But that doesn't mean people all go to sleep.

Tran Hung Dao street by night in the early morning, from my window

even when the street is almost deserted, most people obeys the traffic rule. 

some exceptions are students on their bicycles. 

at the entrance of the airport.

it didn't take us much time to get to the airport from the city center.

Ca Mau airport

Waiting hall

Only 1 arrival from and 1 departure to Ho Chi Minh city per day

I killed a mosquito kept flying around my seat

hard light

Saigon sunlight get heavy.

I need a light coat and a sunglasses.

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witchcraft

My first experiment with fashion video capturing and editing.
Gears: Canon 60D, studio lights, Sony Vegas Pro

sexies know it

nice job! I laughed a lot.

What I see here is not only a funny performance but a society in which this isn't considered disturbing. And I wonder why this wouldn't get any applause if that young man were a normal-skinny-Vietnamese local boy at a beach in the middle of my country? There are several facts I could think of to explain this question.

It could be the guy’s nice body make his performance easily accepted. Of course, he did a very good job but sometimes that’s not enough. It could be the open minds of people in the video. They might have seen things like that before. No problem, just entertainment. Men think this guy is funny and women may let their eyes enjoy for a while. Even those who stayed away from him let their smiles out. Above all, this is no morally wrong in that society.

In another society where scandals of celebs showing off much of their skin are rising, news raised a hate toward any kind of skin while using it to appeal readings. Even a normal person show his/her portrait with no top could be judged as a celebrity-wannabe. That is all wrong, causing social awareness even to go backward.

a form development

Just a conceptual design I've been working on for an urban design project recently. I finished it, now just creating some illustrations.