Hopes and faith and dreams and, probably some, hallucination

... So, it's over in terms of time. Unexpectedly it was better than a few previous Lunar New Year's Eve-s. That cheesecake might contain a little bit of self-changing in its ingredients. I met and went out with new people and the 'new' attitude experimented in Australia, and things turn out to be better.

The last year was so dramatic. It got me so high then put me down to earth so low and dragically. Financial situation failed. Relationship status failed. Family harmony failed. Personal plan all failed. Somebody would say that was normal to guys who lived their dreams abroad now woke up in their real-world hometown. But as I told Yang that I started to feel excited, or maybe just kinda eager, because I knew it couldn't be get worse. It must have "hit the rock" as she said. Of course there were some signs, albeit unclear. But who cares? I have to go on.

Sometimes I think hallucination might be necessary to get over hard time as long as it's not abused.

To be more specific, this is the real world:
Money is still so important to me. I'm better at spending than earning obviously. But since I had been so unhappy with money for quite long time. I decided to buy some fun with my budget. Paying an expensive brunch to hang out with kool people is okay. I don't meet them every week and can still deny invitations to luxury dinners with candid words as "my budget doesn't allow me to do it". Buying somebody a drink at Starbucks is okay as I know it's worth spending time on a talk with them, which in my dictionary is "to get to know" more about them. Paying the pizzas at the small party somebody invited us is okay. He hosted the party, served us snacks and let us spend hours playing cards in his apartment. It was so much fun that night.
In overall, one of my mistakes was that I let my low-budget prevent me from getting with people. Now it requires a more 'open-minded' expense with certain conscious.

And I'll definitely need more money this year. Just work hard with some good lucks, I think. They say it's gonna be a good year. Let see.

Love is "to have not to hold". Madonna repeated this so many times in her "Ray of light" album. Understanding it seems much easier than practicing it. I always try to figure out the cause of the problems myself and it probably requires more changed from within myself. Be less a control-freak. Have a backup plan with a "let go" attitude. Let see it this works. I'm 29. I still have lots of time for this.

One thing I can't agree with what most of my friends say is waiting for the right one to come. First, we all need to practice to do anything well, even love. I see myself still immature in the field, or maybe just because I don't fit in well with the rest of the world and need to improve that. Second, I don't like to wait at all. I was born this way, so hot-tempered and seemingly always in a hurry of anything.

Related to Love is Friendship. I don't expect much anymore but that doesn't mean I lost my faith in it. The biggest thing I learned last year was try not to be selfish all the time. Please don't expect me to be an enemy to your enemy. The best thing I can surely do is not sell you to your so-called enemy.

Friends and Lovers are the same. They come and they go. Somes might stay with me (or you) forever in certain ways.

English is still very enjoyable to me. It has been a long way learning and practicing English. I feel better writing and thinking in English even though my vocabulary is still very limited. Yes, my biggest limitation of learning this language. Just two months ago I started writing seriously something as a personal journal, inspired by Murakami's kinda autobiography "What I talk about when I talk about running". Promise myself will go on and I remember there are 8 pages of academic research waiting. It's not compulsary but sooooooo important. I hate my procrastination!
Anyway, before writing something, I need lots of "input" in any form by reading, which I'm doing during these days. "Foundation" by Isaac Isamov on the go!

... So, a few words to note down the previous short period of time. Hopes and faith and dreams now!